TANGIBLE

Nice While It Lasted

To recap. Morgan is 14 and a card carrying member of the Edmonton work force. He manages to somehow work 3 days a week, belong to 3 school bands, ski every Friday without fail and maintains a whopping 94% GPA. Even after being dropped on his head as an infant.

None of this really is all that astonishing.

What I find really mind blowing is that in the month of December he sent over 13 000 text messages. Each  and every month I look at his cell phone bill and have to pick my jaw off the floor. Now I get that most of these messages are poorly spelled texts made up of only one or two words. Of course they are. The kid is exhausted. How can I expect him to pick up his bedroom AND text a complete sentence with all he has to do in a week?

So imagine my glee when he lost his phone.

Never mind. If you have spoken to me at all in the last month and a half you already know. At least 3/4 of all my conversations over the last 50 days have been how astonished I am to see how much he has grown, how blue his eyes are and that I think his voice has changed. Daily I was the recipient of  hugs where he used both arms! There was even a conversation about chemical engineering, that I totally did not understand...but it lasted 15 whole minutes!

Unfortunately as I stated, The kid works, belongs to 3 bands and throws himself off of ski hills. There have been days I have been forced to actually get out of my car to look for him. Wildly inconvenient. Hello..I have coffee to drink and a life to plan.

So...

This weekend he got a new phone. It took 3 days, Dwayne's upgrade, Nadia's patience on the phone (we belong to a family plan) and my driving to and fro to 3 different Rogers outlets.  This was just the tip of the ice berg of our contact with Rogers this weekend. Every visit, or call to the customer service line brought about a new set of problems made by the last person we had spoken to. In the end... after 3 long days...Morgan got his new phone.

I miss him already.

Shake Your Money Maker

There he is. The newest pseudo wage earner in our house. Who knows how long the lure of free pizza will last or how soon the novelty of having slurs and rotting food thrown at you from the side of the road will seem fun.

 

So far so good. He works 3 hour shifts and manages to make $2 less an hour than I do...AND gets free pizza. I think the pizza puts him over the top. I need to renegotiate my own wage. During the average week he is managing to work 2 maybe 3 shifts- all mid week. The kid can definitely handle it. In fact he is probably ready to work full time now. He's so much like me in that he needs very little sleep and seeing how he seems never to actually have homework or chores, perhaps I can give Sarah a little quiet time and just have him pick up more hours.

Crazy Highlights in a 14 year old boys work day:

• "Mom did you know there is a maze under the mall?!! I'm sure some one could live down there..."
• "Little Caesar's pizza sauce is only 3 ingredients!"
• "Putting pepperoni on the pizza is an art...I can show you if you like..."

and my favourite was the day a homeless guy walked up while he was shakin and gave him $5...even the indigent feel sorry for those Board Shakers..

Going in..

 

Morgan goes to an amazing school with some one- of- a- kind programming. They've been voted one of Canada's best schools five years running and are frequently written about in Parents magazine. We are so fortunate that we received some excellent advice, while the boy was still in Elementary School, advice that made us look farther than the school system we were in at the time and find a Junior High that has been perfect for him.

Sure they seem to validate his need to blow shit up occasionally with guests who put on demonstrations involving large explosions...and they occasionally seem to employ the odd crazy person...

....but the point is he is excelling and is interested in going to school each and every day.

Yesterday was Parent-Teacher interviews. Just one more thing I love at his school. They do 3 interim reports with a Parent-Teacher interview after each report and then a month later is the actual report card. Genius. Nip it in the bud while there is time to make change. LOVE IT. I also really really love the opportunity to talk to the people who see the boy wonder in action. I know what his marks are. I see the work he brings home when he brings anything home..but is he a "playah.."? Who is his girlfriend? Sooner or later someone slips up. This year it was the English teacher without the aid of any bright interrogation lights telling me him and "Lauren" make a nice couple....(insert double take here).

But I am getting ahead of myself..

So we arrived at the school with appointments to speak to the 3 teachers that were new to me this year. It involved the traditional locker stop. The one were I usually find all the things that disappeared mysteriously from the house. The BBQ tongs, my flip flops and of course more candy wrappers than anyone would ever see in a single lifetime.

No wrappers, no missing tongs and most importantly...NO BOOKS...

Counting Firemen not Sheep

It was a long night last night. Sleepless really as I kept waking up thinking I was seeing the warm glow of our room on fire or was it the crackling sounds as the next door neighbours house burned to the ground. All courtesy of my over active imagination after the explosive activities of the evening. Where oh where could a far flung ember hide? ....sleepless I say..

So today I am bagged. Currently sitting here trying to shut down and get ready for Anam's fundraiser extraordinare tomorrow. FYI there are still seats available if you a last minute kind a girl...

Today was spent doing heavy supervision of the 2 deviant boys while sitting at my kitchen table editing photo's. I gave Photoshop a work out for a solid 6 hours. Lets just say I have more than enough to do for 12 hours...if I last that long...

Early bed tonight. Hope to see some friendly perky faces tomorrow!

Parent of the Year Award given to better recipient..

So tonight was the night I "lost my shit"...and by that I of course mean, yelled at another persons child. Yelled may be a little strong. Morgan says I spoke with my angry eyebrows on and with my very mad voice. Maybe I should have yelled but I know I lose major points in the parent debit system by showing ahem..."displeasure".

We've been having some discussions, my son and I, about certain friends pushing the appropriate behaviour line. How I feel there might be a little sneaking off and  a little bit of -what Morgan's mother doesn't know won't hurt her - attitude.

It started with a request to walk to 7-11. At 9 PM. A perfectly legit request but when they finally came home 40 min later though the front door, not the back yard where I was sitting...gee..hmmm how stupid do you think I am...Turns out they decide to buy 2 litre bottles of diet coke and Mento's and do some science experiments.

Seriously not a problem. I would have supervised this and totally allowed it. Just not in the Veledrome parking lot...where there were parked cars.They got lucky though and came home where they then told me after the fact what they had just done...a short discussion that contained a few expletives ensued.

Apparently though they were not finished blowing things up. Either that or I had used words these 2 Einstein's did not recognize. Words like.

"DO NOT BLOW SHIT UP!"

Within minutes of me going into the house and telling them they could turn the hose on the fire in the fire pit I heard a huge bang and a smell reminiscent of a Junior High School dance.  I went to the back door and could barely see the back yard through all the Mount St Helens ash falling all our house, the neighbours house.....again...WTF!!!!

Braniac #1 and Braniac #2 had joined together in the thought that it would be cool to throw a bottle of cologne onto the very red hot coals of the fire....they seemed surprised that I was pissed.

You Gotta have Faith

Great picture of 3 of my favourite people. Though they are a good lookin group and seem to get along ...there is one problem.

This one has hair that is going to take over the world. Soon it will need its own zip code. No hat can contain it.. it flips, swoops and definitely has a mind all its own.

But I had faith..and today he looks like this...

 

little dude...you look amazing! and ahem..more mature...

Krysten, my most wonderful hair dresser, has restored my faith in her ability to flirt her way into giving him a great cut. Thank- you!

She is even coming into the salon, this weekend on her day off ( while it is closed OMG!!..) to give me a complete make over! Can you say HUGE TIP??

Krysten...BTW has won..gee I don't know how many gazillion awards and gives a great cut at Salon on 6th for like..$35!! Call her...let her charm her way into your life. You won't regret it...

Of course I can't forget princess wonderful... smile pretty girl smile!

 

Today was a good day.

This is the real you??

Hell no. No wonder we have issues with identifying terrorists and an explosion of forged documents being manufactured. I don't get it. Don't smile. Show your eyebrows and for goodness sake lets make sure your ears are well and truly Dumbo like. For identification purposes only of course.

 

Morgan had been given a pep talk before we left the car. Co-operation was non negotiable....A reminder that he will never see Disney, cheap Duty Free alcohol, or the Las Vegas Bunny ranch. Not necessarily in that order....

BTW..

See that tape on those 2 fingers on his left hand. Originally the story was he "sprained" his finger playing basketball. After the 3 or 4rth pretty girl stopped him in the mall to ask how he hurt his hand... we realized the genius of the tape...

Genius I say...

Like a Sombrero not a Toque

Thanks to Oprah, we have had a month of rehashing what my children know about sex. We all sat together and watched  the Oprah episodes about talking to your kids about sex. 3 different episodes -the last one ending in the one where they were interviewing the 2 kids who thought they were ready for their first time. How brave these families were to put themselves in the spot light.  Personally, I felt every single parent interviewed  had done an awesome job with their children. The kids were all so mature and well spoken, even the 10 year old from episode 1!

The  problem..getting our heads around how mature they really are. Gone are the days of too much information. Tell them everything and leave your personal judgements at the door seemed to be the biggest message. I am all over that one.

In years past, in our house, we have had our "talks" -but they were always with the lights off. Literally. So surreal to have these teenagers sitting beside me calmly in full light, talking to me during the commercial breaks about what is going on in the bushes and parties they hear about at school. I was the one in the cold sweat not them. What happened to the days of when I was just trying to make sure they understood what the physiology around sex was about?  Where everything was located, how to be prepared for Aunty Flo, and yes even how those darn babies are made. It was so much easier back when they were Elementary age. Now they just know so damn much and I have to keep a straight face and try to act matter of fact.

I will say though that we are now learning and talking more about the emotions behind sex. I know I certainly felt an emotion when Sarah turned to me after I asked her if she knew how to put on a condom and she said...."ya..Taryn taught me...like a Sombrero not a toque..."

Whisper fights..

Adults have them all the time. You know the ones that happen when you are in earshot of "you know who" and you don't want them to know that "someone" is a big stupid idiot for not remembering to defrost the chicken like you reminded him 3X to do...and now you will all have to  have cereal for supper because of his unbelievable inability to follow simple instructions.... All spoken with out your lips moving and without sound yet it is as loud as that KISS concert you went to in the 80's...

but I digress

My children, bless their misaligned souls..have learned the finer points of the Whisper Fight. IT has been going on for the last couple weeks. They fight without words because they know my head will explode with too much petty bickering going on as white noise . So instead I get to hear loud sighs, foot stomping, papers and books being slammed about as well as those under the breath sounds that just can't be classified as the English language.

I would like to now take this moment to remind my dear children that if my head does explode they can expect the following:

1. Santa WILL be informed of all 2008 infractions.

2. Their father, who though it has been reported to be the "fun" one, will be their chief caretaker and I have it on good authority that he cannot cook.

3. Grandpa cannot hear much anymore anyway, so we may just end up sending you to live with him...

"Silence moves faster when it's going backward" -jean cocteau

 

This is the boy. See how he tries not to make eye contact? So much better this way, for if contact was made he would burst into flames.                               

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...and a pic of the girl just before she abandoned me to go talk about High School boys.

Ok, school is officially underway. I hate it. All it means is that I am another year closer to one of the kids either getting pregnant starting to date or to the boy finding a job that pays him enough money to move out. Trust me, he will be the first kid outta the coup... he eyes that tent every summer and plays the pro con game waging heat and or electricity against each other.

I confess...I am a cling-on parent. So shoot me. I happen to really like my kids and can barely stand myself when they are not home. In their short little 15/13 years of life, they have managed to stagger their sleep overs and trips away from home so that I have only been left home alone twice. Amazing I know, but the unseen benefit of having no family/grandparents living nearby. Apparently people enjoy this time away from kids ... for those weekend sex romps,husbands and wives enjoy that I hear so much about from other friends...(I will supply names in a later post).

But I digress...Anyway..I was left alone without children  for not one but 2 full weekends this summer. ( and no husband in sight..) What the hell do people do with themselves?? How do they sleep? The only way I managed was to whine so loudly that people started to feel sorry for me. Then they took me to the Casino. Thank gawd.

Now they are back in school and I have another confession to make...I didn't take first day pictures. I'm sure I will burn in hell...If in fact I actually believed there was a place worse to burn in than West Edmonton Mall the week before school starts....