Today I have been thinking a lot about the need to feel acknowledged and validated. I truly wish I didn't and have struggled with whether or not it is acceptable to feel confused by those who use their acknowledgment as a tool to feel powerful. In fact, to me it ends up feeling like a game being played where I just don't understand the rules. So I've made a decision. I don't want to "play" anymore.
I once read, a long time ago ...before children, an excerpt written by Maya Angelou that spoke of how she learned from her mother how each individual needs to feel acknowledgement. How later, when she had her own children, how important it was to her that when they entered a room or space she was in, they were acknowledged by her in some way. It could be a smile, a hug, wink or wave. It would change the energy of the room. You could feel the joy and love.
I believe in this. How the smallest hello or introduction in a room full of strangers can make any room feel like a welcome place to hang out. People laugh easier and begin to include each other in their conversations, even if they can't remember their names. It changes the energy! You leave feeling like you've connected with the world in some small way.
I think we've all been to the party where you've put care and attention into how your hair looks, the cake you baked or the dress you picked out. Maybe you haven't seen the other invited guests in ages and are a little nervous. There is a "first day of school" nervousness. I've been to those parties. What if these people you've known for years looked right through you. It makes you re-evaluate you in a hundred different ways. It feels you with self doubt.
In a small, way I feel this way when I enter a store and the sales person doesn't look up. When you walk around for 20 minutes holding a shirt but no asks if you need a hand. Then I walk out the store. I won't give you my business if you won't give me the time of day.
The same treatment from your boy friend...you dump him.
Your husband...divorce
Having been on both sides of the table as a student and as a teacher, I know how an experience can change for some one just by saying something positive. I don't care if you don't have any interest in some ones art or feel like they have nothing to offer you. It changes how they feel about being in your space if you make them feel you are acknowledging them. In a positive way.
Now do this for a friend. Ask her how her kids are. Tell him he looks great. For no reason but to put something positive out there in the world.
