TANGIBLE

Good news!!

My back ordered TOMS have been shipped!!

If you want to get yourself a pair use this code ShareTOMS to get $5 off..

After shipping my new sparkly shoes were $62.00 fingers crossed that they will fit!

in other news..

Registration opened for this class.. Unravelling. paid..cha ching!

and the FREE Jessica Sprague class that can be found here.

Done and double done!

and

A Monday morning freebie to all my Photoshop buddies. Go here for some free downloads of Photoshop apps...now to go makw arrangements for a coffee date as I have the rest of the day to play!

A lesson in Inebriation

So along with this surgical journey comes a bunch of do - overs. What worked one way before surgery definitely is thrown out the window after surgery. So many things just are not do-able now. They make me unbelievably ill. And when I say ill, I mean sweating, cramping,  nauseous take your clothes off in a public space ill...

Top 5 Do not touch list

• To date I still can't drink plain ol water with much success.
• Holy crap! A Tablespoon of ice cream is a death sentence.
• Did I mention we all seem to be lactose intolerant after surgery?
• No Red meat...good bye BBQ steak, you just plain ol hurt now.
• sigh...bubbles..I miss you in my Diet Coke and Perrier

I am nearly 6 months out and still discover things every day that will make my bowel dance and my stomach sing. Yesterday it was blueberries..go figure. They tell us to take note and then retry in a few months. Ice cream will never ever be on that list. I just don't need it t be that much of a friend again. Thank you though.

This past weekend, with a group of good, patient friends, we held the "What happens when Laurie imbibes?" experiment. I can truthfully say it was a whack of fun and highly educational. After the first 1/4 glass of wine I needed to clarify who was taking me home. Lots n lots of volunteers...grin..

I've never ever been a big drinker, social or otherwise. I get massive migraines after being a very messy- room spinning -drunk. I was the one at the wedding willing to pole dance or give the impromptu speech or song. I was happy and wanted everyone to play with me but once I was home- all hell would break loose. Dwayne always said I was a fun drunk until he got me into the car to take me home...then I became a moaning, sweating wino who needed to tell the world how much she didn't want to puke. In a nut shell..no fun for him.

 

NOW... it seems I metabolize alcohol at an alarming rate. That 1/4 glass gave me just the best "dance all night" buzz. If I stopped drinking for 15 min or so, I was back to way sober. I was a cheap and happy lush! I stayed far FAR away from anything sweet or with bubbles. Red wine all night with one gin and tonic.

The best part...NO MIGRAINE..in fact no headache and no stomach issues NADA nothing...bliss...

I can really see how there is a statistic of increased rates of alcoholism among Bariatric patients post-op. It was a fun night but once in a blue moon is just fine with me...

oh...the guy they put in a dress for his stag was entertaining too!

Today

Is a new day. New perspective. Perhaps yesterday I was in the throes of "Fat Girl Syndrome" or maybe you can just call it an overwhelming sense of insecurity. Every day there are new battles to fight within myself. Some of them have to do with my ever changing "self" others perhaps more to do with missing Dwayne and wishing we could spend everyday as a family, especially on those days like yesterday when I am feeling so alone.

Believe me when I say though, that being with out my husband is not a new thing. I am lucky that  have a husband that trusts me to make most decisions with out his input. We are both fortunate though that we are not a couple where the sun rises and sets with each other. Life would be pretty unbearable if I was not independent enough to forge on when he was not here.

Yesterday I think I got thrown for a bit of a loop doing the shopping thing. I used to tell a story about how years ago at my lowest weight, the simple act of buying underwear overwhelmed me. I felt absolute anxiety about trying to figure out what size I was and couldn't for the life of me bring myself to try and explain to some sales person how I was rolling up and tucking my panties into my pants because they were about 6 sizes too big. How do you explain that you are clueless about what the hell a size Fruit of the Loom 7 is (???) because you have been wearing a 1x-4x since you were like 16. What was my answer to this dilemma? I  did what any sane person would do...I quietly bought my underwear at Safeway. 

This time around it has less to do with underwear and more to do with moving out of the Plus size stores. For most this might appear to be an exciting prospect. For me it is filled with apprehension. I mean...really..some salesgirl will just take one look at me and ask me if I am in the right place.

or

I may brazenly decide to throw caution to the wind and make an "attempt" to shove my butt into something that should never see the light of day. Don't deny it. We have all had those moments when we've seen some one wearing something that we know is being worn just because they were able to get it zipped up. Just because you can pour yourself into those size 9 jeans...doesn't mean you should. ( lycra anything comes to mind here...)

but I digress.....

My little moment kind of happened with Sarah. We were in a Ricky's (again cause Lisa mentioned it the other day) and my curiosity got the better of me. It was in Capilano Mall which is like a ghost town of a Mall really...so I thought it was safe to "try". Found a pair of Capri's ...convinced Sarah to try them on in a small size 4 as she has lost so much weight with her epilepsy med's that nothing fits her. But then I kinda lost my mind for about 15 min. I tried them on too...in what I HOPED was my size. Not only did they fit...they were big.

All alone in my change room I stood perfectly still and looked at myself in the mirror. Just looked for a long time. Then I took them off and went back out to look at more possibilities. That's what this is all about isn't it?

Changes, Chances and Possibilities.

My good feeling lasted about 3 more minutes. As I tried to reach for a yellow  ruffled tank top that I thought would get me through the summer. A sales girl came up behind me saying..

"XL right? Don't worry they're really stretchy..."

Good feeling gone...Welcome to the return of Fat Girl Brain..of course I would need some thing with extra stretch. Look at me. How dare me for even entertaining the possibility.

It took a little bit to recover. But I did recover and bought both the tank and the pants. All this negative crap still clings to me though. Part of the evolution that is this year. I sometimes just wish I had baseball bat to hit that little shit that sits on my left shoulder telling me all those negative things to think about myself. One day I will make him a mute....and maybe a eunuch...

ok people

Don't panic. Being a friend is a 2 way street. If you truly think you've done the best you can do to show you are true blue...no worries..you are golden. I need reflection as well. Perhaps there is so much more I can be doing.

The last post was me reflecting...calm down!

Filling in some of the Blanks

Since January and my life altering fork in the road, there have definitely been a lot of bumps. Some food related and life style and others just plain ol surprises. This whole WLS (Weight Loss Surgery) deal is like thwacking a piñata. You really don't know how hard you are going to be hitting that damn painted donkey and when you break through, what is going to fall out may surprise you by hitting you on the head.

There is a "small" chance I may have taken on too much too fast. But from a chick who has felt like she has watched so much pass her by, take it from me, I was not going to waste any more time. Getting from January to April was hard. I won't lie. There have been so many moments where I have said " If only  knew then what I know now". So let me put it out there, if you wanna talk to some one about this WLS journey, the real scoop...contact me. I will give you my most honest perspective.

All that being said. I have no regrets. I just wish I had had more real life information. It is a whole different perspective to live it. That's all.

May brought the new job and a few more new challenges. How to stay hydrated at work, how to time my mornings to get out of the house on time (as my "dumping syndrome" if I am going to have it, tends to be an AM thing), not to mention how to dress, take care of the kids etc etc. May also brought birthdays and grams spring visit. It was a busy month. All of it I managed to handle as well as I truly think I could have. No one went hungry. No one was late for work. Most importantly no one felt left out...except me.

Which brings me to that unexpected detour I really should have reminded myself about. When I lost weight ( 100lbs +) in the past there were lost friendships along the way. People distance themselves for a variety of reasons I can't really put my finger on. They seem to start out all gung ho and Yay! team but in the end seem to feel like your successes are their failures. Or what ever, maybe they just stopped caring. I don't care what the reasoning is- as far as I am concerned you really can't have been that busy for the last 6 months. It is hurtful and stupid and most of all unnecessary.

I am astonished at how little I feel supported by some of the people who are supposed to be closest to me.   People who seem to truly feel that sharing 5 minutes of their busy day with me is just too damn hard. Am I really that much work?

Today I had the shortest "Tea time" ever. But I am so unbelievably grateful that even though she knew our time was going to be limited, she still made the effort. Nothing..NOTHING will replace human contact. Not any number of e-mails, phone calls or "I was thinking of you" comments.

Thank you for my 1/2 cup of tea. It was the best tea I have had in 6 months.  Thank you to all my those others  in my life who let me know they care by dropping me those phone calls to make those dinner dates, traipsing through farmers markets, working out and assisting me in helping me make good clothing choices for his new body etc etc..I love you

BRING IN THE SUN as there is a bright side to all of this. I am not waiting for things to happen. I will make them happen. You may get a phone call from me looking for a pedi partner or someone to go for a walk with. You may get an art day invite or even a drive by drop in to see how you are doing. Maybe we have lost touch over the years and we both need to make the effort.

Or

Maybe I will just get used to doing things by myself. That is ok too.

Today I may  down 81 Lbs since January but I feel as if an ever bigger weight has lifted off my shoulders...

 

(a shout out to Lisa for reminding me to speak my heart)

Today is brought to you by Morgan..

The youngest, who incidentally is also the tallest in our house, received his award for Honours with Distinction. That's right..I birthed a brain. This child of mine had a 90+ average all year in all core subjects and all options were above 75. He rules this day!

 

 

So to celebrate, I took him to the dentist. Yup, do a good thing in this house and you get rewarded with some sealant and a new toothbrush. Just how I roll...grin..

The celebrating continued on after the dentist as I continued this Day O Fun with a trip to Rona for a new sprinkler, Canadian Tire for weed-a-way and then COSTCO! That's right, you want ideas on how to party? Call me..

The goodness continued with the arrival of my main squeeze. He walked in the door, gave hugs and smooches and then.....

Life is good!

Stop me before I shop again!

Love these Etsy shops!

Branch has these cool motorcycle pillow cases.

Dali Decals has these trees for your wall that I love.

PaperBinder makes me want to hang these all over the house for tissue.

Sweet Grass Mill makes these headbands that Sarah would drool over!

Day 3 of Sick week.

Another day where I went back to bed for a few more zzzz's after the kids went to school. When my eyes popped open again I got ready for a date with Evaline Charles. A total treat t myself for making it through the month of training while still trying to get to my work outs, get supper and laundry done etc etc all with Dwayne out of town for the entire 5 weeks. Nadia treated me years ago to the Evaline Charles experience and it really is the best pedicure you can have. Quiet, soothing and came with addition of paraffin.

All that being said..has anyone tried Perugia? hmmmm...

Tomorrow I am off to another awards ceremony and then Dentist and a stop over at Rona to look for some bedding plants. Busy day. Probably no naps in my future tomorrow...but...Dwayne will be home! Who wants to nap when you cam be making a bullet point Honey DO! list...poor Dwayne...

Another ICK day!

Went into work for a half hour yesterday to take Sarah to her appt. Diane and Cory (the other receptionist) both took one look at me and silently handed me the Purell. Then told me to take 6 steps back from the desk and not to come back until I was healthy...hmmm... geee..let me think about that ..OK!! So today my eyes POPPED open a little after 10 ish after about 16 hours of sleep and... (knock on wood) I actually feel a teeny tiny bit better today...but don't tell Diane that..

Having these ick days have given me some much needed down time to float around on the Internet highway. So I've shopped. I bought a pair of Toms just like Kal, some funky t-shirts for the boy child and his best friend.

and....drum roll please....

I found my online summer class.. HERE  with Susannah Conway -of course I am on a waiting list but I it looks wayyyyyyy cool!

I even have a canvas that is 80% finished downstairs in the studio that I absolutely love. It was inspired by something that written on the dry erase board they have at my pool. Yes..I just said I was inspired by something at the pool...I must still have a fever...

Now that I am feeling better I am going to throw caution to the wind and try and find THIS book (that is somewhere in the studio)..so I can go wreck it with HER!

It wasn't my favorite destination...

but when I needed a family Doctor I could at least say I didn't have to go to a Medi Center. I HAD a GP..key word here is HAD! We got letters in the mail this morning saying that due to health reasons, my GP was giving up his practice.

HELP~!

Send me any and all referrals to Nice, Friendly GP's. I have prescriptions I am going to need refilled!!

Long overdue!

May blew by me. I feel like I was just starting to cross off the days on the calendar when suddenly I was flipping the whole month to June. We started with the new job that brought about early mornings, long days and more ironing than I have done in the last 5 years all put together. On the positive side....I got some new clothes as my slowly shrinking ass demanded some things that would make it less noticeably deflated looking... Unfortunately every single thing I purchased need ironing.

Thank goodness my own personal housekeeper arrived. My mother flew in from Kelowna just as I was starting my first week. She very quickly saw that I had forgotten the finer points of using an iron and took over the training of Sarah in all things pressed. They bonded over steam. It was a good thing as every night I would come home to pleats you could finely julienne a carrot with. Pleats that will still be in all my pants 5 years from now.

Then of course we had end of year concerts where the boy blew his horn to rave reviews, Sleep overs, more training, shopping and Birthday parties.

We (mother and I) thought we were so clever when we got veggie girl a carrot cake for her birthday. No one else thought it was as cute as we did.

The silly string ambush was pretty amazing though...

Her 16th Birthday was a nice blend of friends and family and I think she felt well and truly loved. Always the goal isn't it?

 

 

All in all the head count stood at about 23 people.

The following weekend we did it all over again on a smaller scale for Morgan's 14th Birthday.

After the parties it was back to the new schedule of trying to get my ass out of bed at 5:15 AM!! to be at work to open up the clinic for 6:30AM!!. I want to state it here....I haven't been late yet! ( knock on wood)

It has been a really hairy last 4 weeks with very little time to do much more than laundry. Mom is back in Kelowna now and is beading and creating with Auntie Rita. The kids are left with just a week or so to go before prep for final exams happens with a vengeance.  I am not looking forward to my first summer working while the kids are off. It makes me kinda sad really as it has always been one of my favorite times of the year. But change is good. All of this is good and it is time for things to get shaken up a bit!