TANGIBLE

A Perfect Storm

Almost exactly one month ago…trouble began brewing. First my parents beloved dog Dula passed away after a nite of non stop seizures. Then less than 3 days later mother had her second total shoulder replacement that included donor bicep and multiple releases of bone spurs from her muscles and a whole new rotator cuff….ugh.. (Word from the surgeon is that his intern fainted during the surgery, a video has been made for teaching purposes and this was a surgery never done before in BC)

Then it got really fun…

24 hours after her surgery, dad collapsed in their garage at their home in West Bank. Mother discharged herself a week early from her post op suite in Vernon hospital and some how managed to get herself to Kelowna General Emergency where the organic dude had been taken by ambulance.

Turns out the dudes legs don’t wanna work. It took a week of testing but he has been diagnosed with a chronic form of Guillain Barre Syndrome.

Over the last 4 weeks my mother has managed somehow to still be by his side.

I arrived a few days ago to finally lay my eyes on both of them and do whatever I can do to show them both some love.

My hope is that they some how become a unified force. That my father sees he needs to love my mother as unconditionally as she loves him and that they both somehow become strong enough to help themselves help each other.

My marriage is my perfect. I always believed that if one partner thought of the other before herself and vice versa…You each would always feel safe, honoured and cherished.

I think this is going to be a dance he is going to have to learn the steps to. It can’t be anything but scary as hell to not know what your future will be. But I want his first thoughts to be how he can somehow support her, show love to her and make her feel more than he ever made her feel before all of this.

This is could be a wonderful new journey in being a more authentic self for him. Or not. The ball is in his court and everyone is watching.

I believe he will see that there is a lot going on outside himself and will want to help be a part of the next chapter in their new forever story.

I believe he will wake up tomorrow and tomorrow and every tomorrow and ask her if she will dance with him again.

In Blissful Remembrance

My love celebrated 50 years on this earth the first week of this past December. I was able to surprise him with the first trip we have ever taken. It was truly our Honeymoon.

Very secluded. 40kms north of Puerto Vallarta in Banderas Bay. The Grand Palladium Resort and Spa. Unbelievably beautiful. 7 days of togetherness and sun.

A few facts:

Average daily temp on the beach - 40+degrees

Drink of choice –

Laurie : Gin and soda water or Tequila

Dwayne: Frothy sweet things….ugh or Tequila

Books read: 3

Pictures Taken: 300+

Miles hiked: 0                       

I didn’t have any goals or expectations in mind about how we were going to spend our time. We both preferred spending our days on the beach or in the ocean. We stayed away from the pools and the Buffet and largely kept to ourselves. The few people we met were like ourselves, just looking for quiet.

The evenings were spent people watching and walking around the beautifully lit resort. We tried just about every brand of Tequila we could get our hands on and listened to some fantastic live music.

This trip helped me get over my fear of travel. The kids had their own private parties while we were gone and both they, the dogs and the house survived. The plane always took us to where it was supposed to and our baggage was never misplaced.

I think I never felt as loved and cherished by my husband as during those seven days. I will remember it always and hold those moments especially close.

Disclosure

It’s been 6 long months since I last even turned on the laptop. I doubt anyone but my mother even missed reading about the trials and tribulations of all things Laurie, but never the less, I would like to think I was missed.

The truth is, I’ve had to take a little time to sort myself out and being unable to even turn on the computer has been just another symptom of needing to look a little deeper. Disappearing from the internet is one thing, feeling invisible and disappearing from, well, me…is a whole other deal.

I think we all know what I’m getting at. Turns out I’m a wee bit depressed. Surprise!! The big surprise…I’m also bi-polar. That puppy on meth that has been the me for 10-15 years….ya well… Apparently that was me on a long manic cycle. Go the fuck figure. The “blame it on your mother genes” she doesn’t sleep either…again…manic…

I’m so lucky. When others have turned away, I truly have found the unconditional love in tried and true friends and my sweet family. They truly have stood quietly by my side loving me anyway, not for just days and months…but for years. How they have managed to adapt to this cycle I have no idea. Even so, this new me is now not the Laurie they thought I was.

Now that I have finally experienced the great…..down cycle, I hope to never be that UP again. I doubt you all could handle another 15 years.. Let balance reign. 

I`m still in a huge state of flux. I see doctors weekly and am my naturopaths new best friend. I`m a one woman show funding his retirement plan. There are daily injections, supplements and non stop positive self talk. My ass hurts- but I no longer feel like my co-workers and family are plotting against me by eating the last stick of celery or not folding their laundry.

The good news is today I turned on the computer. Played a little in Photoshop.

Wrote this verbiage…… baby steps…

Preparing for the Great Sweat

The next five days are looking like ideal hammock weather. I’ve gotten as much done inside the house as humanly possible so I can spend every sun filled moment with my beloved sun.

There will be a pitcher of home made lemonade and lots of veggie nibbles to chow down on while reclining. The trouble now is…what to read.

I love how Lisa lets me know what she is filling her brain with. She always challenges me to look at old favourites with new eyes. So to reciprocate….

Master Bedroom Re-Do!

Since moving to this house 2 years ago, I have struggled with the Master Bed Room. It is exactly the same size as our old bedroom but it comes with a couple of issues. First, it doesn’t have a long wall. In order to put a Queen size bed into the space you really have to choose your battles. I can’t seem to put the bed AND two night stands in. The room just has too many doors/openings that stop that extra few inches I need.

Poor Dwayne comes home after working 12 and 14 hour days for a month straight and I usually have him moving furniture. I re-arrange this room probably 8X a year. Understand though that I am not a “princess”. I can move the dang furniture myself, its just that he prefers that I wait so that when he comes home at the god awful hour of 2 am…he doesn’t walk into the new set-up face first…

We bought our first bedroom furniture a few months into being pregnant with Sarah. We had a water bed that had so many patch kits used on it, that I wasn’t sure if I was going to know if the bed was leaking or if my water had broken. Like good new consumers…we bought an entire matching set. It was pine. Pine slowly turns almost an orangey-gold. After the first 10 years, every time I entered my bedroom, it felt like I was entering the 70’s. It was solid wood and indestructible, made to last… Fast forward to 2 years ago when I started really wanted to update our bedroom.

To white.

I love white. I love white t-shirts, white towels, white kitchens and I really really love white bedrooms…

I know there aren’t pics on the walls yet but I think it looks pretty….

I love that it isn’t completely matching. The size is a little big for the room but it will make us a little more careful as we walk around…

Things I love..

I could not lose this bench. It was hands down my very best idea…ever..

I have a secret dust buster…umm nail polish drawer..

ALL my underwear now fits in one drawer!!

I love the room. It is peaceful and calm and simple. Very paired down. I like it this way.

 

Next….Sarah’s room…

My New Ride

Took me over 4 months to figure out. Luckily Dwayne hasn’t been home very much this spring, otherwise I probably would have made a snap decision and regretted it later. My bankroll finally came home a couple of weeks ago and with nothing but time on our hands we test drove. Then we test drove some more. I can safely say I have officially driven anything I “thought” I wanted. In the end this was what we kept going back to.

She doesn’t have a name yet. Struggling to find the perfect balance of retro/tough/fun.

 

She’s shiny and bright and can be seen from space. Apparently there are only 2 in the city. My after hours activities will now not be so clandestine….

I even found myself telling a lost patient looking for our office to look for the yellow beauty in the parking lot…

Sorry dad. I still wanna play a little bit.

This Moment…Right Now..

• I have a big headache. Possibly a sinus thing. I can’t think clearly.
• I’m distracted by a huge work to do list. It’s slow in getting done…
• Sarah keeps going out on “dates”. It’s even more distracting than my headache…
• I have a fairly awesome tan going on. My flowers are thanking me for all the time I spend outside.
• There is redecorating happening…bedroom style…stay tuned.
• There is a huge love fest going on in this house regarding lettuce wraps. Butter lettuce is our new love. Bring on my new Thai chicken filling..
• Wish I could have popcorn…
• My studio is clean. It wants me to mess it up.
• Had an invitation to become an “Artist in Residence” for an elementary school…hmmmmmm
• I am off of coffee. For the most part. My 5-12 cup a day addiction is down to 1-2 cups.
• Had the worst hamburger of my life at Red Robin’s today…sucked ass that money was spent on it.
• Go read IQ84. Best book I've read in a while.
• Surfing here…Flavorwire.
• Shopping here…Jet Pens.

Thursday Moment

I’d first like to thank all the people who call me bright and early on my one day off a week. I don’t get weekends off, I get Thursday off. Thursday I get to sleep in… if my body can fight the built in alarm clock I was given… when my eyes pop open of their own accord. Usually by 8 am. Every single other day of the week including weekends….I am up by 6.

I’m not bitching about my life. I chose it. I own it.

Would it be too much to ask though for the damn phone or cell phone to not start ringing at 7am?? It makes me tired. Cranky. It upsets the delicate balance I have with my workmates. I forget to use please and thank you. I grunt instead of use words…..

Like I said -I own it. 99.9999999% of the time I think I do pretty damn well. You won’t know I have a massive migraine unless I ask you to drive me to the hospital. I can shake off a bad moment faster than a dog after a bath. Except when I’m tired. Even tired is not as bad as exhausted…..people know when I am exhausted. I stop using words effectively. I cry when I try to articulate the simplest thought. Worse, I take everything personally….

It is like I lose myself in a hazy emotional soup.

Morgan plays this game called Amnesia on his PC. This past weekend he did the ultimate…he asked me to play the game with him. Essentially it is a quest style game where “Daniel” slowly loses his mind…. Daniel enters a soupy fog….starts to forget his life…needs to fight his way out and find new clues that remind him of who he is. Somewhere along the 2nd hour of playing I realized I was Daniel.

When people call before 9am on a Thursday I become Daniel by Friday afternoon. For you see…my night shift as mom ends at 11 ish Thursday night and my day shift as CA starts when Dwayne walks in the door Friday morning …..at 3 am. If I’m lucky…on a Thursday night… I get 4 hours sleep. The rest of the week I run on 5- 6 hours a nite….So please. Preserve my sanity and the health and welfare of everyone who has to deal with me….Thursday is my only catch up day…

let me sleep…

Run…Not Walk!

Saturday was a feel good day. My beautiful, talented fellow workmates met to high five each other over a job well done. More than kudos about doing a great job, it was a celebration about survival.  Over the last 6 months our office has made some serious IT upgrades. It started with the research, then meetings about the research and then finally, once a concrete plan had been developed…the upgrade.

Not so simple. It involved a completely new hardwiring of a new - more evolved computer system that needed to be installed. We are talking 11 separate computers. 6 of which are now touch screens. After 3 weeks of wire and assorted gizmos being run through new holes in our walls by an IT dude named Dave… we faced the next daunting task. The new system program interface. With fingers crossed and many of the staff living in fear of  “what if it doesn’t work”…we crossed all our fingers and toes and went live…..3 weeks ago.

We had 48 hours of live training. That is, we flew a dude who could talk the talk to watch us fumble through until… though we begged him to stay….he cheerily left us for his newest condo in Aspen.

During the past 3 weeks we have all reached the realization that though there are many…many bugs in the new program, we as a team are invincible. Not only did everyone absolutely put their best face forward…not one person quit. Even better, we all stayed out of jail.

Saturday my glorious team of 6 Chiropractic Assistants and our head honcho celebrated with copious amounts of Sangria and Tostadas and then got pampered with dessert and pedicures.

 

If you want the cheapest most fabulous pedicure in the city…run don’t walk to Sophie’s Nails. For 30 mere dollars get a full 60 min pedicure. I had mine upgraded for 10 dollars to gel polish…which I love.. In fact I love it so damn much I’m going to go back and get a gel manicure. For another $30.

Coincidently….right next to 3 Amigos…get the Tamales..or Tostadas or or…

Dance Like No Ones Watching

Females… in general, have a thing for dancing. I know for a fact my mother will push herself out of a coma if ABBA or Bryan Adams starts rockin. I’ve actually seen this happen…. for reals…

Most of the time there is a long recuperative period needed…

ok. So one of those bottles was drunk all by yours truly. I came off my 20 day fast off of carbohydrates and was all ….”lets git it on!” Carbohydrate like …of course…

One of my sweet cousins is getting married in a few short weeks. She and her chosen man are having a private ceremony in some kinda eco wonderland where I think they have to hike in for hours while carrying backpacks…..It is somewhere in the wilds of BC. Probably a resort. I wasn’t invited to the actual wedding and I’m pretty much ok with all that cause the party for us uninvited was pretty bangin….

This is the back of Heathers head. She’s the bride. The guy with the massive grin is her betrothed…Jesse. He’s some County of Strathcona Fire/Parmedic ALS super hero. Small world. You can totally tell he is kinda into her. Just sayin.

This was the table Sarah did not sit at. Sarah has the “muzak in her..” either that or a yeast infection that made her squirm to music. With Sarah it can go either way.

Enjoy my montage of Sarah and random relatives dancing. but mostly Sarah…cause she’s cuter than my Uncles…

Check out those gams on that old lady dancing with Morgan….

Photos courtesy of Morgan David….