So the great apocalypse is eminent. The Mayan calendar ends and so will human kind. Whatever. I happened to have lived through the great transition known as the year 2000. Remember the great Millennium? I do. I was one of the lucky ones surrounded by people who were stock piling guns, gold and basic necessities like house sized bags of rice and flour.
I was highly entertained.
At the time I had 2 families in my life who took my apparent disdain for the end of the world as a challenge to love me more. Spoken to, as if I rode the short bus, I was told that when the end happened…to just head over to their houses. They had stockpiled enough to count me in on the survival plan.
I was also repeatedly told how all currency was going to be devalued. No stock market. No internet. No money. Apparently only gold and virgins would have any worth. Thank goodness for Sarah.
We would also have to relearn how to hunt and gather for our own food. Friend 1 even went as far as to seal packets of seeds in large cans. Vacuum packed at an actual cannery. OMG.
I bought 2.
Sent one to my survivalist wannabe father who for some reason….did not read the label and promptly got out his can opener. My mother said that the moment he heard the vacuum of the seal being broken - he knew he had screwed up all chances of being a survivor…
Again..highly entertaining..
This all bit both families in the ass about 5 years after the apocalypse can come and gone. For some reason neither had taken into account..pestilence…. the holy equalizer of all things stupid.
Both houses would call me with daily mouse reports and bug infestations due to the large bags of rice, flour and staples that were slowly becoming part of the foundations of their basements. I just have to wonder about the thought process here….
In the end a valuable lesson had been learned. 50 lb bags of rice are a lot easier going down flights of stairs than up.
And…
Zombies aren’t going to give a shit if you bake them a cake.
