TANGIBLE

Operation Week Off

Today was Day 1. Well..technically I’ve been off since last Thursday, but I personally don’t think days off count if I have to go into the office. So today for me was Day 1 and I have to say it rated an epic fail. I was bitchy and cranky and tried to control everything and everyone around me until it all came crashing down with a spectacular  roar. Except I was the one roaring. I had a hissy fit. I suck.

A few hours after the el Grande hissy fit I decided that I needed a do-over. So I ate chocolate. 6 pieces of recently acquired Jacek goodness that was supposed to be for Easter. 6 bite sized pieces. Then I felt bad again. I remembered the 10 lbs. I've gained that eating chocolate or hissy fits were not going to help fix.

I need to do a do-over on my do-over. I need to re-assess. Get a plan any damn plan. So tomorrow I am going to simplify my day. I’m going to focus on the new agenda in which the universe is indicating must involve some form of exercise. Oh and an attitude adjustment. The Universe is bossy.

Insert cheering crowd here.

Day 2 is going to involve a nightmarish scenario of trying on my work out bathing suits. One of which must be deemed acceptably non horrific. There must be various accoutrements located. My sports bra. Water shorts…or whatever those damn things are called. All those things that hold me tightly encased so I don’t poke an eye out while jumping up or down or frighten the general public with my ass falling out of my suit.

It could take all day. But at least I have a plan.

Jenny vs Rosa

Within the wonderful world of Customer Service, I have had the distinct pleasure of some epic battles of will. Many may remember my rants about one staff member at my former dental office named Jenny.

I hated Jenny. Jenny hated me. Jenny would call once for every Pawlick scheduled for a visit to remind us of our appointments 48 hours before an appointment and then again at the 24hour mark. Here, let me help you with the math. That would be 8 phone calls…then…get this..even after I would remind her that we are one family all coming in together…she would call AGAIN to confirm each person received her message. You would think she would realize she was dialling the same number over and over…not.   Oh! then there was the time she lost Morgan in the office.. Suffice to say…new dentist.

These days I have a new nemeses. Her name is Rosa and she hails from Wawanesa Insurance. Rosa takes on average- 2 1/2 weeks to return a phone call. Sometime Rosa calls in sick for weeks at a time and no one at her office knows when she will be back. Other times Rosa just denies every receiving a message from me.

Back Story

Dwayne had someone hit and run his beloved Volvo in the parking lot of Syncrude the first week of NOVEMBER. On  freakin Christmas eve…Rosa says she left a message regarding my NOVEMBER enquiry as to the claim status. Then she promptly went on 2 weeks holidays as soon as she hung up the phone.

….now back to me….

I hate Rosa. Rosa owes me money. Rosa won’t give it to me. I want a new car. Dwayne says Rosa is stopping me from possessing my new wheels. I doubt Rosa is even her real name….

I call Rosa everyday.  My workmates find it entertaining. Not once have I ever talked to her personally. She likes to leave me long detailed messages that usually start with…” Hi Laurie, Rosa from Wawanesa calling. Laurie I don’t usually give out information over voice mail but if you can call me….blah blah blah…”

Like I said. I CALL ROSA EVERY DAY. Some days I just get a busy signal. Other days I get weird messages that say helpful things like..…and I kid not… ”ALERT ALERT …press 0 NOW!”

Did I mention Rosa only works from 8 am until 1 pm..she helpfully tells you that in her message…

Today started a new week therefore a “New Rosa Strategy”. Today after I called Rosa and left my billionth message, I hung up then re-dialled and pressed the infamous 0. I asked for her supervisor. Turns out his name is Nathan. I left him a message asking him to call Rosa and tell her to check her messages..

Shared DNA

The similarities between Sarah and her father seem to get stronger and stronger every time I turn around. I’m at the point now where I feel I am the odd man out in our currant household situation. With Morgan gone, I officially have no one with which I share a brain.

There are certainly moments…like the one currently happening in the back ground as I type this…where Sarah is like her mother. A borderline obsessive compulsive who likes everything in its place – with a label. (dear internet…Sarah has taken everything out of the pantry to re-sort and is categorizing the shelves for proper product usage…or so she tells me).

I get my obsessive tendencies and type A personality….drum roll please..from my father ACK! Insert food/health fanaticism here. However, I must say…I get my penchant for Dymo label's from my mother…she just likes things to look pretty..

This weekend I was able to observe, to distraction, the similarities between child and spouse. Easy as they watched a marathon of Jackie Chan movies, disinterested, I was watching Walking Dead.  Food wise, neither father or daughter appears to have a palate. They each chose the most easily accessible food to fortify themselves. Sarah ate 6 apples , 3 oranges and an entire bunch of bananas instead of making a meal. Dwayne ate popcorn and pickles. I made fish and asparagus and risotto.

When Sarah and Dwayne weren’t walking the happiest dog on earth, eating or watching movies they were sleeping. These two really don’t seem to have a care in the world. They had these long 14 hour uninterrupted “naps” where they were so deeply asleep…they noticed nothing. In the past, buildings have literally blown up blocks away and have shaken our entire house, fire trucks have parked on our lawn to fight grass fires, there has even been house party gone awry….nothing wakes these two…

While they slept, I baked bread and made sure the house remained standing Making sure those vehicles with lights flashing, sirens blaring…went to the house down the block…not ours. It’s ok. I know my place. It is securing the fortress and making sure the fridge is full. I’ll sleep later.

And on the Tenth Day..

She learned she could do this. Even better, she learned HE could do this. Don’t get her wrong…days one through 4 sucked ass beyond belief. Days 5, 6 and 7 not much better…then there was 8 and a glimmer of light was seen…then 9 and now 10.

First there was that shaky little boy voice on the other end of the phone telling her how hard it was. That he didn’t think it would be this hard. There were the  hours of talking a 16 year old boy of a cliff of his own choosing. Words that in the beginning were just words. Now, 10 days later she knows she was speaking not just for him but for herself. They are doing this together. Miles and provinces apart, but together just the same.

It is still a difficult road but they are taking it day by day.

Quebec Bound

That hollow sound when you walk in our front door means he’s gone. 9 days total so far. Some one else is finding out how funny he is. How smart. Another family is letting him into their hearts.

Morgan began his 3 month odyssey to learn more and be more French. He will spend the next 90 days with a French family in Bai-Saint- Paul. A tiny hamlet 90 minutes from Quebec City.

I’ve released him willingly - but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard as hell to do. So difficult, that I just quietly stalked him for an hour in the airport once he was through security.

In my distress, I looked for him off in the distance for 30 minutes. Then happened to look down…and there he was.

I could tell he was really upset at leaving me. The girls around him were consoling him by giving him their cell numbers so they could reach him later to see if he was ok. His face told the story of his worries…

Then he saw me…

His eyes are saying he wants to stay but his hormones are telling him to go….

Vegas

Getting ready for Vegas was exhausting. In the week before I left, there was a dog that got an ear infection, a broken key in the front door, garage door opener on the fritz, man who did not come home, car insurance issues, boy shopping, food shopping….it seemed to go on and on not to mention work got completely in the way of life.

After working a full day, we managed to leave on the coldest day in something like 30 years. Flight delayed we finally arrived in Vegas sometime after 10 pm.

Very quickly boss lady set the tone by taking us to the hotel steak house where now, away from her vegan husband, started in eating an entire cow.  Yeehaw!

Our hotel was also the location of the seminar we were attending and though it seemed a less than hip and happening place, I was grateful in the end because there was less cigarette smoke.

I give the seminars themselves a mixed review. The ones I attended for administration seemed to be dumbed down and a disappointment. They had topics like…Team Synergy, Patient Recall…..yawn… but looking back I did manage to learn something new from each one.

What I enjoyed the most was being able to be a part of some of the presentations given by gurus I had only previously read about. Open to about 4000 people I heard lectures from the best of the best.

Robert Holden PHD – “The Happiness Project” had me laughing so hard I was crying.

Louise Hay- the mother of the affirmation movement literally had me thinking about possible forward motion….and that she was the coolest 85 year old known to man..

John Demartini – Actually spoke about one of our patients for 30 minutes…apparently I am completely clueless and have asked people to alert me to greatness especially if it is a 9 year old boy who is changing the world and taking meetings with Richard Bronson….

Boss ladies' generosity did not stop at bringing me to Vegas. She also took me to her favourite restaurants and shopping. I have a completely new view of something called portion size….Vegas apparently does not know it exists.

Exciting things did happen after we worked.

I met Whoopie.

Dr. Jeanette Amato got ENGAGED!

I practiced the art of distracted eating.

Shopped.

Ate amazing food in front of the fountains at the Bellagio. A total do-over.

All in all a wonderful experience I am so grateful to have had. I look forward to next year!

Sin City

It appears I now work and play with jet setters and go getters. On Wednesday I leave work for an “almost expense free” Las Vegas work experience.

Two firsts. Las Vegas and expense account. The two really don’t seem like they should go together… In Chiropractic circles, Las Vegas is the biggest chiro show on earth. Visions of showgirls complaining about sciatica is what probably comes to most minds but I digress…

Picture hundreds…nay thousands of organic dudes and energy givers. Overwhelming hoards of wellness experts and life journey specialists. Lectures filled with visualization and yoga not to mention hemp…I am expecting a plethora of organic cotton and hemp. People whose clothes will be crying out for an ironing board…

In all this, look for me. I will be dressed mostly in black. Still wearing my boots. In between lectures I plan to play black jack…is that wrong? I like to think it is me ….trying to find some balance between sin city and my health salvation….

2012 Apocalypse

So the great apocalypse is eminent. The Mayan calendar ends and so will human kind. Whatever. I happened to have lived through the great transition known as the year 2000. Remember the great Millennium? I do. I was one of the lucky ones surrounded by people who were stock piling guns, gold and basic necessities like house sized bags of rice and flour.

I was highly entertained.

At the time I had 2 families in my life who took my apparent disdain for the end of the world as a challenge to love me more. Spoken to, as if I rode the short bus, I was told that when the end happened…to just head over to their houses. They had stockpiled enough to count me in on the survival plan.

I was also repeatedly told how all currency was going to be devalued. No stock market. No internet. No money. Apparently only gold and virgins would have any worth. Thank goodness for Sarah.

We would also have to relearn how to hunt and gather for our own food. Friend 1 even went as far as to seal packets of seeds in large cans. Vacuum packed at an actual cannery. OMG.

I bought 2.

Sent one to my survivalist wannabe father who for some reason….did not read the label and promptly got out his can opener. My mother said that the moment he heard the vacuum of the seal being broken - he knew he had screwed up all chances of  being a survivor…

Again..highly entertaining..

This all bit both families in the ass about 5 years after the apocalypse can come and gone. For some reason neither had taken into account..pestilence…. the holy equalizer of all things stupid.

Both houses would call me with daily mouse reports and bug infestations due to the large bags of rice, flour and staples that were slowly becoming part of the foundations of their basements. I just have to wonder about the thought process here….

In the end a valuable lesson had been learned. 50 lb bags of rice are a lot easier going down flights of stairs than up.

And…

Zombies aren’t going to give a shit if you bake them a cake.

2011 In My Rear-view Mirror

Looking back to last year at this time, I can remember feeling overwhelmed and over worked. Closing down the Bonnie Doon clinic was tougher than I could have ever imagined. The work load was extreme and the expectations of those around me were…well..unrealistic. I realize now that everyone was living in a bubble of their own making. Doing only what was in front you pretty much made you go through life with blinders on. I had days where I really did feel like one of those poor race horses, just not knowing where the finish line was.

Coming home one nite after working at 2 clinics  …for over 16 hours, I realized that I could change it all with a single word.

No.

So I did. I said no and very quickly the universe fell into line. Two weeks later I had surgery. Then I took 6 months off. I collected unemployment and sunbeams. I wore tube dresses to the grocery store. I said goodbye to some friends and held the hands and hearts of others. I cleaned and weeded and was fully present when my sweet girl graduated high school. I hosted parties and Bbq’s. I drank champagne and danced with abandon. Hell…I even water skied.

 

Then I got bored.

Gained 15 pounds.

Had the biggest mental meltdown of my life….the el Grande of all hissy fits….

and…

Un-employment ran out.

It started raining.

I remember getting a phone call asking if I was looking for work. Mentally the door was opened. I decided to take a chance and instead of just sending out one resume -sent out about 9. Within hours I had more interviews than I could handle.

With in days I was working not one but 2 jobs trying to decide what was the best fit. It didn’t take long before I realized that what scared me most was really the best fit. So I closed my eyes and made it so.

The universe took care of me again.

It gave me what I needed and that included people who seemed to be willing to let me be me. It gave our family Clarence for 3 months. It even gave me a 15 pound weight loss. All bonus’s to just letting myself roll with what my intuition was telling me the whole damn time.

Today I am happy. I feel loved. I feel like I am making the best choices I have ever made for myself. My children are soaring and my family feels safe and secure.

Resolutions and Rest-itution

What I’ve come to realize, in one of those angel singing epiphany moments…as I am know to have, is that all I can resolve to be is myself.

Sometimes the real me is pretty hard to swallow. I get that. I totally get that I am an exhausting person to be around. Ask my father…or better yet my husband, the man who lives mostly away from me.. I have this stupid energy that runs on a completely different plane of existence that runs parallel to yours ---it’s just that mine has a tendency to be matched only by the energy of a litter of puppies…on meth..

Generally, and I do mean on the most part, people like my exuberance. My employers seem to like it. My fellow work mates have adapted. Even the dog really seems to “get me”…...never mind…

I am the act before the big show. The hostess with the most-est. I greet you and hopefully treat you like you are the most important person in my universe. You are. For whatever time we have together I want you to feel like you matter.

I am responsible for what I choose to put out there in the world. I am responsible for how I choose to react. I personally choose not to be anything but a powerful force. I am the life of my party.

So I resolve to not change me. I really like who I am but I understand that there may be times that you need to walk away and recharge. I do too. Meet my caffeine addiction.